WHY DO PEOPLE CALL IT FUCK, MARRY, KILL WHEN THEY COULD CALL IT BED, WED, BEHEAD
Or, as King Henry VIII likes to call it, a productive evening.
|—||Matt Besser (via ucbcomedy)|
My girlfriend (who is asleep) just rolled over, wrapped her arms around me and very lovingly whispered “I want to murder you”
The important thing is she hasn’t yet and that means she loves you.
AVENGERS, I THINK YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO!
…and so it begins
YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY IRKS ME ABOUT AUSTRALIANS
THEY CALL MCDONALDS “MACCAS”
you drongos dont understand ok. we go to the servo for fuel, we go to maccas for burgers and we go to the bottle-o for grog.
Wait, what the hell is grog?
i feel like somebody insulted me in a foreign language and then continued to insult me even though i don’t understand
my friend Pete literally makes me cry with his snap stories
this is me, i am pete, love me
Some women want to be house wives and some women want to be Harvard professors and some women want to be porn stars and some women want to be nuns and some women want to be surgeons and there is nothing wrong with anyone’s profession I am sick of people being rude to women about their professions oh my god
Samoyed Dog Appreciation Post!
senior superlative voting sheets were due today so the editor of our yearbook is live-tweeting counting all of the votes and
actual 10 year old
Why would you not be happy about a surprise puppy though. I’ll take him
real women have curves. real women have one single, continuous, infinite curve. real women are a hollow sphere of mass 1kg, suspended in a void. calculate real women’s acceleration if real women is struck by an object accelerating east at 5m/s/s.
blossom you peice of shit